


Nostos

by ElphieRix



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Achy Fluff, And There’s Not That Much, Bittersweet Until It’s Just Sweet, But Like.......Emotionally, But Really I Have No Understanding Of Ratings Help, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff That Makes Your Heart Hurt, Happy Ending, Happy Rhodey And Peter Have Very Brief Mentions/Appearances, Hurt Pepper Potts, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Just Realised What This Is It’s, I Still Think About That BTW It Made Me Very Happy, I’ve Tried To Keep It Vague But It’s Probably Not Gonna Be Canon Compliant, Like A Spicy Marshmallow As Someone Once Described My Writing, Mutually Assured HEALING, One Day The Tags Will Be Longer Than The Fic, Pepper Calls Rhodey Jim, Pepper Potts Gets A Hug, Pepper Potts Needs a Hug, Pepper Potts-centric, Pepperony - Freeform, Pepperony Gift Exchange, Pepperony Gift Exchange 2018, Rated Teen Because I Say A Swear, Tony Is Impulsive And Pepper Loves It, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Yes I Do Keep Adding Tags After This Has Been Published, and what about it, fluff with a twinge of angst, oh shit i forgot, post avengers: endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17224724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElphieRix/pseuds/ElphieRix
Summary: Tony Stark fixes things. He’s fixed the entire universe. Now there are things at home which need fixing too, and he might not have the right tools.





	Nostos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Menatiera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menatiera/gifts).



> this is my pepperony gift exchange 2018 fic for menatiera! they picked post-endgame hurt/comfort and that resulted in the fluffiest thing i have ever written
> 
> special thanks to coconutice22 for being my beta and listening to me complain about everything in the world because i’m terminally grumpy
> 
> i really loved writing this, these two deserve some peace and i think i gave them a little bit. or at least started them on the road there. i hope you enjoy!

The bed is cold when Pepper wakes up. It hits her like the end of a two hundred foot drop and she squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself back into the dream. Tony had been home. He’d been haunted and hollow, but home all the same.

  
Pulling the covers over her head and curling her body tightly inward, Pepper allows herself five minutes of despair. Then she’s up and getting dressed, cleaning her teeth and and brushing her hair and heading to the kitchen for coffee and whatever breakfast she can stomach.

  
It’s not easy, but focusing on one task after another gets her through the day. It was the same ten years ago, when she was still lying to herself about what Tony was to her, when his goodness was still buried enough that it was _possible_ to lie about her feelings. It’s almost worse without the protection of those lies.

 

It’s definitely worse.

 

Afghanistan has always been her metric. Every time she has told herself that if she can survive those three months, two weeks, and four days of waiting, stuck in half-mourning, she can survive this latest near loss. Maybe it’s because Afghanistan was so long ago and they’ve been through so much since then, or maybe it’s because even Rhodey can’t scour the stars to look for him, but that old mantra just doesn’t seem to be working anymore.

  
Pepper’s hands mechanically work the coffee maker, then time seems to blur slightly and she has a steaming mug in her hands with no memory of pouring it. That scares her a bit so she adds sugar and creamer as a deliberate break from routine.

  
Tony wanders casually into the room and she screams and drops her coffee. The mug shatters and hot liquid splashes over her feet and soaks into her socks. It burns.

  
He moves to her side with an almost unnerving speed and takes her by the shoulders.

  
  
“Pepper? Honey?” he says, dark eyes searching her face rapidly.

 

She can’t speak. She can’t even hear him as he rattles off a barrage of questions and presses a hand to her forehead to check her temperature.

 

_not real not real gone not real dead and missing tony is gone not real not real not tony_

 

Her vision is a little fuzzy so she closes her eyes and focuses on remembering how to breathe. There are hands cradling her face and lips pressing gently against her cheek.

 

Pepper opens her eyes and looks at Tony.

 

Shaking, still unable to form words, she snakes a hand down and under his tank top, fingers tracing the scar he got on Titan. She lets out a deep breath then touches the bandages on his left arm. Real things. Changes from the Tony who left.

 

“-married in thirty nine days,” he is saying. “Nebula killed Thanos two months and eight days ago. I got out of hospital one month ago exactly. There are twenty four sapphires and one ruby on your engagement ring. It was my mother’s. There were one point six grams of palladium in the old arc reactor and one point eight of starkinium in the new and I’m running out of things to list here Pep so if you could let me know if this is helping or not I’d really appreciate it.”

 

She kisses him.

 

It’s the softness of his mouth on hers and the way his lips are slightly chapped that finally convinces her this is real.

 

_real and here and alive and mine and not going anywhere ever again if i have anything to say about it_

 

That’s when she starts crying. Thick shuddering sobs that travel through her whole body and make her throat ache. She crumples to the floor among the spilt coffee and shards of mug and Tony comes with her and wraps her in his arms. He’s so warm and that somehow makes her cry harder.

 

“Forgot you were back,” she manages to heave out through her tears.

 

“Oh honey,” he murmurs into her hair, and his arms tighten around her. He pauses. “This wasn’t the first time, was it?”

 

Pepper buries her face in his chest and shakes her head. He lets out a small sad sigh as she breathes him in. He smells faintly of her grapefruit body wash and more strongly of gasoline, engine oil and sweat. It’s gross but grounding.

 

They stay like that for a while, until the coffee they’re sitting in is cold and Pepper’s eyes are dry and stinging. Her pants are ruined. It’s such a mundane concern that she wants to laugh. The world ended and she’s clasped close to the man who restarted it but that was months ago and here and now her pants are ruined.

 

Pepper relaxes. Her pants will be no more ruined if they stay here for a little longer, and the floor isn’t that uncomfortable. She lets herself relish being held, lets herself believe that it’s all over, lets herself have this calm, comforting moment.

 

“Let's get married,” says Tony suddenly.

 

Pepper blinks. “We’re already doing that,” she says.

 

“I mean today. Now. Let’s just go to the courthouse and get married. We can do the big wedding again in a month but let’s get married _now_.”

 

Pepper pulls back to get a good look at his face. His expression is a familiar one, it says _i’ve just had a very exciting idea and i will not be stopped from executing it and you’ll have a lot of fun if you play along_. She has very strong mixed feelings about that expression.

 

“Okay,” says Pepper.

 

It’s both very easy and very dangerous to forget how efficient Tony is when he wants to be. By the time Pepper has changed into a dress her mother wouldn’t have been too ashamed her daughter got married in and picked out a similar outfit for Tony, he has contacted the courthouse, arranged generic preliminary NDAs, called Happy and Jim and burnt her some toast. It’s actually very romantic, and more than a little erotic.

 

He sulks prettily when she throws out the toast but eagerly heads off to the bedroom to change. As soon as he leaves, Pepper feels another cresting wave of doubt threaten to overwhelm her. That makes her angry. Things being good shouldn’t scare her. She grits her teeth and lets the anger smother the doubt. Tony came back to her, like he always does.

 

Tony came back, and he also apparently forgot to clean up the coffee on the kitchen floor. It’s risky to do it in her dress, but mopping it up and collecting the broken mug is a welcome distraction, and Tony arrives before she has finished. Pepper can feel him staring at her ass as she bends over and she can’t help but smile smugly.

 

“I’ve got the rings,” says Tony at the same time as Pepper says “Did you remember the rings?”

 

He pats his pocket as Pepper dumps the pieces in the trash. Then for a moment she just looks at him. He looks good in the suit she chose, and if he’s wearing a faded _Iron Maiden_ tee instead of the shirt he was supposed to wear, that was only to be expected. Tony grins delightedly as she blatantly checks him out. Pepper trails her eyes up and down his body appreciatively and he _preens._

 

There’s a kind of frenzied happiness settling into her bones. She wants to laugh hysterically and flirt inappropriately with Tony in public and dance in her bra and underwear on the balcony then sue the paparazzi when they take photographs. The pull throbs hot in her veins and it feels like Extremis. It’s not healthy and it’s not her. It’s just the other face of the doubt, Pepper knows that. Still, the urge to burn her life to the ground to prove she can survive it stays buzzing in the back of her brain.

 

She has a sneaking suspicion this may be how Tony feels all the time.

 

He’s smirking at her in a way that would almost be a leer if his eyes weren’t so damn earnest and full of love. Pepper doesn’t know if she’ll ever truly believe that they are safe, but assuming that they’re not safe will kill her as it nearly killed Tony.

 

“You ready?” she says softly.

 

“Born ready,” he replies, then looks unaccountably pleased with himself. “Will that be all, Ms Potts?”

 

Pepper’s cheeks grow warm like she’s still that inexperienced PA nursing a humiliating crush on her boss.

 

“That will be all, Mr Stark,” she says.

 

Everything happens very quickly after that. The drive to the courthouse is short, and Happy has the widest smile Pepper has ever seen throughout the entire journey. They’re let in via a side door and then there’s the bizarre moment when they’re asked for their social security numbers and Tony reels off _hers_ then cannot remember his own. The ceremony takes less than half an hour and Jim takes photos the entire time. Then there are rings on their fingers and Tony is holding a little piece of paper that declares them legally married.

 

He handles it delicately, like he’s afraid it will rip and ruin their relationship, and he sniffs as he looks at it as if that will hold back the tears in his eyes. He gives it to Pepper.

 

“You should probably look after this,” he says, his voice thick.

 

They leave through the same side door they came in and in the restaurant across the street from the courthouse the same people are still having lunch, unaware that the world is a million times better than it was half an hour before. Tony opens the car door for her with a silly little half-bow and he’s her _husband_. She finally married Tony Stark.

 

In the car, Happy glances at them in the mirror then presses a button and the privacy screen slides up. He’s still smiling.

 

Tony reaches out and takes Pepper’s hand. He’s oddly silent as he links their fingers and then just stares at how they’re intertwined. His touch makes her shiver and raises goosebumps on her arms.

 

“You know I really thought we’d be making out by now,” she says.

 

Tony lifts their hands to his mouth and presses a light kiss to the tip of each of her fingers. “We’re taking it slow,” he says. His eyes find hers, large and _darkdarkdark_ and so full of emotion. Then they narrow slightly and his gaze becomes wicked. “Although, after the big wedding I think you should do that thing with-”

 

“Mr Stark!” says Pepper in mock horror. “Was this all just a ploy so you could get two wedding nights?”

 

“No comment,” replies Tony lowly. He unlinks their fingers then rubs his thumb over her wedding ring. “Actually I thought…” He looks away from her and stares deliberately out of the window. His next words come out in a rush. “I thought if you had the ring you could use it to remind you what’s real.”

 

“Oh,” she says. He’s still gazing out the window and his shoulders are stiff. Pepper wonders if he’ll ever stop acting like he’s done something wrong when he’s at his sweetest. “Tony look at me.”

 

He does.

 

Then there’s nothing else for her to do but kiss him.

 

Later that night, Tony has a nightmare. Pepper holds him as he shakes and his screams turn to sobs and shushes him when he apologises. His hair is soft when she runs her fingers through it.

 

“Do you need to call Pete?” She asks.

 

Tony rolls away from her, onto his back. “It wasn’t about him,” he says shakily. It’s too dark for Pepper to make out his profile but she can imagine the tension living in his jaw and the wildness in his eyes. He makes a noise that might be a laugh. “He’s gonna be so mad we got married without him.”

 

Pepper knows exactly what he’s doing and she’s not about to allow it.

 

“Don’t do that. You can not be okay.”

 

There’s a long silence and she worries Tony’s pretending to have gone to sleep. Then he sighs and shuffles back into her embrace. Her hand returns to stroking his hair.

 

“Even on our wedding night?” He mumbles.

 

“Even then.”

 

It’s not the first time they’ve had to hold each other together. After the Mandarin both of them were fractured and fearful and woke in the night screaming. So this is… familiar. It’s hard and Pepper hates the way they can’t just return to how they were that day in the park, laughing and Tony talking about pee and the… other thing. But, and Pepper isn’t the type of person to say this kind of thing even if she thinks it, they’re alright because they have each other.

 

Time passes because that’s what time does.

 

The bed is cold when Pepper wakes up. She can hear Tony’s voice insisting _it was so real_ as she thinks about the dream. The good dreams are so much worse than the bad. Not for the first time, she thinks it would be healthier just to accept that he’s gone. Not for the first time, she’s angry at herself for even considering it.

 

Pepper stretches her hand out to touch the place where Tony should be and something drags against the sheets. There’s a ring on her finger. There are two rings on her finger. Her engagement ring _and_ her wedding ring.

 

Relief hits her so hard it almost hurts.

 

“Did it work?” says Tony from the bathroom doorway.

 

Pepper gasps and nods even though he can’t see it. There’s the pad of light footsteps and a rustle as he returns to bed beside her. She presses her forehead to his as they tangle their limbs together.

 

The doubt can’t fight the soft, warm reality that Tony always comes back.

 

“I think I’m ready to have that conversation now,” says Pepper.

 

“What conversa- oh,” says Tony. “Well shit.”

 

“I like Morgan. It’s gender neutral.”

 

Pepper can hear the smile in Tony’s voice. “Do you wanna work on it now or…”

 

She doesn’t speak, but Pepper gives him her answer with her mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> a _nostos_ is when a hero returns home via sea at the end of his journey (the ancient greeks didn’t really have a concept of space but if they did the word would probably be applicable there too, or at least that’s what i’m claiming). it’s not just about the physical journey, rediscovering and redefining themselves and who they were once they’re home is also part of the _nostos_. that’s very much what this is. this is absolutely part of my “tony is odysseus” agenda and also i’m a classics nerd so it had to happen 
> 
> the vague idea that became this fic was originally conceived of as a snapshot, so there’ll probably be a chapter of that which is pretty similar to this going up......whenever i get around to posting the next snapshot
> 
> me: okay this is explicitly a gift for someone, it’s part of a gift exchange, this fic is not for your own satisfaction it is all about someone else, so no bullshit  
> also me: i’m gonna experiment with how i write thoughts
> 
> it’s an experiment so i’d really love to know what people think of not using capital letter and punctuation when i’m writing thoughts. my beta hated it (sorry coco you put up with so much) and if i get a resounding “meh” about it i will put it on the failed experiment pile and move on. so yes opinions on that please!
> 
> errrrrr i always have a million things i want to say in the notes and then i forget them as soon as i start writing them
> 
> oh! come bother me on tumblr: elphierix
> 
> thank you for reading! <3
> 
> edit: also tony totally wants pepper to peg him the night after the big wedding. obviously


End file.
